Bear
with me as I share with you a story, its rather long… for if I am
given the time, I can write novels on most subjects, whether they are
readable is another story… some of you have heard this story, or
some parts of it, some of you haven’t and some of you have
experienced it through the years we have shared our lives together.
My relationships with people have been a multi-colored affair, sometimes, a mess,
sometimes a good thing. In the past some people just haven’t
understood me and they have in turn, confused me. Many of you who I
consider my friends, or acquaintances are so, because on both sides
we have made an effort to understand each other, or at least I hope so.
I am very eccentric, awkward at times, a little insane (though some
would disagree with the level insanity that I claim, suggesting men
with a straight jacket and a little white truck come take me away…) Anyway, my entire social development as a human being has been a
great challenge. After learning about Asperger’s and Autism,
things in life began to make a little more sense as to simply why…
Concerning
earthly, human relationships (as opposed to spiritual), there is one
that has literally transformed my life. That relationship I have had
for the last 24 years. If you went back in time and told me 25 years
ago that I would get married and have five children, I would have
laughed at you, said that you were a moron.
At that time, I believed that there
was really no one, except my family, who would love me. I had a relatively complex life that I had created myself through my behavior and relative ineptness at social interaction and interpretation. In my later
teens I was blessed with some good close friends who were able to
keep me out of more trouble than I needed during those turbulent
years. Girls wouldn’t go near me and avoided me like the plague
when I was in high school. When I turned 19, I had gone through just
a few extremely brief relationships; actually they weren’t
relationships at all, more like friends dating.
I
dated one girl (several years younger than me) for two months, my
longest “relationship”, but she dumped me once she figured out I
was really not going to go the extra mile with her. Even though I was not a Christian, (more like a secular humanist), the last thing I wanted to do was get a girl pregnant, I just wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility, plus my Mom would kill me. I did go to her
prom after we had stopped dating. (Note: I did not go to any of my own dances in school for
obvious reasons, social interaction terrified me.) For me, that evening
quickly turned sour, as she sought to get rid of me quickly after the
dance was over. Though, I knew of her plan the whole time through friends that had told
me, I went anyway because I said I would go and it was the right
thing to do. When the dance was over I left her so she could go partying and I went to shoot pool at the local pool hall till 2 am. I had more fun doing that then at that
prom dance thing.
A few months passed, and it was on a sunny June of 1991 that I laid in my bed and
I called out in my mind to One who I would come to realize was God,
but at that time I was an agnostic on good days, and an atheist the
rest of the time (I usually had to explain to people
what an agnostic was…).
On
that day I prayed for a girl who actually cared about me, who would
love me. Ill be honest, I desperately wanted a love beyond the
familial, and, I didn't even really know what I was asking for because I really didn’t understand love. I prayed that she
would have morals (like don’t lie to me about anything, be there for
a date when we set up one, etc...), she would be funny and have a good sense
of humor. I pictured her with brown hair in my mind, but I could
not see her face or her body form… I just asked God, if he existed to bring her to me.
After that day, I went on with my life, working a lot during that
summer, like I did all year, going through my routine of lifting
weights every morning, running, cycling, karate classes, working in a
grocery store and in my free time writing, drawing and gaming
very early versions of my worlds.
To be continued.....
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